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Well its that time of year again boys and girls the annual attempt at getting a campaign up and running only to fall flat on its arse again.
This year me, Fergus, Steve and Scully have started a little mini campaign to get us playing some games again on a Tuesday. We’re going for soft, friendly armies and a relaxed playing atmosphere (sorry Lenny this rules you out). The campaign itself will hopefully last a long time. It will be mostly narrative with rules and scenarios made up on the fly depending on how good or bad I’m doing.  It’s going to be open ended like Fergus, so anyone can drop in for a bit of dirty fun and play and odd game and we ll write it in somehow.  We’re allowing allies and even army changes on the way to keep it interesting.
The campaign itself will be set on the magic ancient Warhammer island of Japan because I found a handy map of it and updates on the campaign will appear here sporadically when I can be pushed and between gaps in looking at porn on the net.  At the moment I m using a Chaos list I m slowly assembling for Phil’s tale of three retards. Steve is playing with his Beastmen, Scully like his mongrel background is playing with a mess of Dwarves and Elves and Fergus is playing with his Empire and Ogres, and of course…himself.

Campaign Night 1
War had come to the ancient island of Jaipain. Armies were already being mustered on the plains. In the High passes the Dwarves and Elves prepared to march, grumbling over their uneasy treaty. Along the beach scores of halberdiers lofted their weapons shoulder high like a forest of willowy steel pines. In the forests and the dark places of the island the Beastmen crept into the sunlight braying at the winters sun. And from the sea mightiest of them all The God King Heff stood at the prow of his flagship girding his well-endowed loins in the wind and slapping the faces of the gods themselves with his manhood.
The Empire and the Dwarves were first to clash forming up in blustering lines on the western shore. Threats were hurled, mothers were insulted but in the end like two strutting peacocks both forces limped away after their empty posturing.

More to the north the God king Heff was the first of his people to set foot on the golden shores. Spreading his feet wide he placed his muscular legs upon the sand and proclaimed to his men “I have led you to the promised land now bow before me and you shall receive my salty blessing”. The ignorant natives having seen this display of power bent the knee also and began calling him Godzilla after their elephant God.

The battle however did not go as well. Taking advantage the beastmen hordes erupted from the nearby forests. Caught completely unawares only the tactical brilliance of the God King allowed his men to make a tactical treat. As Ste-Gor prophet of the Stumpty Orphan God shook his fist and hurled his faeces at their departing backs.

Well the first night of games went well. Spurred on by a brilliantly written scenario in which one side had to force their way into their opponent’s deployment zone two epic games of warhammer were played.  In the main game my mighty Chaos army limped into action against Steve’s beastmen hordes. Unfortunately due to extreme luck and a dodgy last turn stubborn roll I was robbed of victory giving Steve the bonus points for the mission and went down 17-3. Not the first time I ve gone down with this army and it probably won’t be the last time I go down… but still it left a dirty taste in my mouth.

The second game beside us descended into farce and quickly became one of the most boring and pussiest games of warhammer I’ve ever seen. Like two tramps without a can opener and a tin of beans they stood staring at each other for most of the night with not a clue what to do. Some models moved forward and some moved back and that was about it. The only highlight of the game was Fergus continuing soiling himself as they both played out a dull 10-10 draw.

So after the first week Steve has lucked himself into the dominate position…something, judging from his John Wayne like walk, he is completely used to. Next week should see Steve take on the might of the Scully’s pick-and-mix army. Jolly old saint Nic will be the campaigning virgin trying to protect his modesty and Bretonnians from hoary old Fergus.
Till then bye.

As recounted by the Heff from the Underground Gamers on the Wargaming Ireland forum